Don't Play Innocent (Michael

[Jack McCarthy]

To:Modestious Mitchell
From:Jack McCarthy 

Ok, lets get down to brass tax here...which is a phrase I've never used before and will never use again because...what the fuck is brass tax? 

I need you to teach me that thing you do

[Michael Miller]

To: Jack McFarthy
From: Michael Miller

First of all, if you want to harass someone and send them undesired messages, know their proper name

And I think it's brass tracks but who gives a fuck don't use that it's so old it's pointless

And what are you talking about? What thing I do? Flirt? Being fabulous and bitchy at the same time? Dress fashionably? So many things I do that you can't

[Jack McCarthy]

Why would talking to me be undesired….I’m a delight you fucking dick. I’ve been nought but a gentleman, you're being a tool.

Cool. I’ll bring it backI’m bringing that phrase back, You wantThat’s what’s going to happen I’m going to bring back the 90s one phrase at a time and that’s phat AND all that with a big of chips.

I’m a stable of fashion to be on the list? Because you’re acting like you REALLY want to be on the list! Because that what happens people talk smack about my fashion sense. They get on my list.

I need you to teach me how to do that whole “Sassy Gay Best Friend” act you do so I can get into all the big rich fancy parties and get with all the rich fancy women so I’ll become rich and fancy

[Michael Miller]

Your ramble has a point? Where did you even get that number?

Right 90s. As in 1890s. You just a century late

As long as its not the list of people you want to text to I want on that list

Gay?

Wait is that a confession?

That is totes a confession. That's why you texting me!

You perv

[Jack McCarthy]

Come on, I never ramble, and I ALWAYS have a point. I’m Mr. Point I got sharp shiny points ready to jab into your eye and ear, straight into your brain holes poking it with constantly with wisdom. CAN YOU FEEL IT?! CAN YOU FEEL MY WORDS POKING YOUR BRAIN HOLES?!

Hey, why don’t you step off. Take a chill pill. Cut it out. Talk to the hand.

I can do this all day.

Oh no, you don’t want to be on the list, it’s my list of enemies. You DON’T want to be on that list.

Right. Gay. You know. That thing. The whole Gay thing.

Piiish. You wish. If I was gay, I’d be the alpha gay. The boys in this school wouldn’t stand a chance

No, no I need to learn how to pretend to be gay.Like you

[Michael Miller]

I can feel your words yes but not the wisdom

Then find someone who wants to listen all day cuz I dont

Why? Youre even more annoying to your enemies? Thats possible?

Aplha riiiiight

Something tells me if you were gay I could turn you into my little bitch and youd beg for more

Thats not being gay, its being awesome. And it starts by listening to people and speaking sense

[Jack McCarthy]

Then you’re not paying attention. Pick up your game. Come on. Mick.

Everyone does and you were lucky you have something I want.

I have a lot of enemies, lot of people jealous don’t like the vibe I put out. Too many girls looking at me and not their BFs.

Gross and wrong. Beside I’d tots be king gay.

…..Naaa Fuck that.

I need you to teach me how to act gay and get into those social circles.

[Michael Miller]

Michael. You call me Michael

Enemies maybe but jealous?

Yet you want my help to get chicks

I am king gay. You are nothing. You want my help, remember that

You think I got in by acting gay?

You want in, you need to know when youre pissing them off and change your act. Why dont you start with that? That will be enough job to do

[Jack McCarthy]

Why the hell would I call you Michael? Who the fuck is Michael?

Yes. Jealous, I mean look at me, I’m smart, handsome. Charming. Beloved by all. I mean, I’m kind of local legend. A hero if you will among the student body and that breeds a lot of envy 

“Help” is a super strong word.Does it look like I need help? You’d fuck me right?

Of course, you would.

Of course, that’s the golden rule when it comes to girls right? Never be yourself. Ever Ever. Plus The whole gay thing is great because you could totally be like “Oh yeah just walk around in your underwear, it's totally done. You know what’ll be funny? If we made out. For the LOL’s

“Piiish. When do I EVER piss people off? I’m charming. I honestly don’t know why I’m never invited to one of those fancy parties, thrown by the rich kids.

I blame the rich kids….

[Michael Miller]

Me idiot and if you want my help you better remember that

Local legend alright but you still got to work for the rest

Yes and no

But you wish. That woul turn you gay alright

I think you need to better understand what gay means

Cuz youre loud?

Ok this is getting boring. Whats in it for me anyway?