Taking Candy From a Man-Baby (Alex)

[Jack McCarthy]

Ok, Jack would admit it. There was one thing nearly challenged the sheer thrill of annoying every single person he comes into contact with ( Even though he had that particular task down to a fine art. That should have been his power. Having the world’s most punchable face.) But there was something even more powerful than his need to annoy people.


His sweet tooth.


That was a powerful addiction indeed. He would gorge himself on any type of surgery snack, in fact, that was all he ate really. Fruit? Vegetables? Jack never touched the stuff. He kept up a strict diet of candy, Chocolate and pretty much everything else that could rot out his teeth nice and right now he was in a little bit of a troubling situation. He was in the middle of browsing through the mail, looking for anything that might arouse his interest and if it did there’s no doubt he would buy it. If nothing else Jack was an impulsive buyer. You should see his room. His shelves are just full of useless items that couldn’t possibly be any use to him in the slightest and he was certainly was paying for it now as he was struck with the desire to gorge himself on candy yet he didn’t have funds to fully pay for his bags and bags of candy.


Still, he began to consider a most eloquent solution to his problem.


He had successfully bought the two big bags of candy he COULD pay for and he bid the nice young woman at the till with a friendly nod and a happy salute as he strolled out of the store as calmly and as coolly you like…before he was instantly confronted by security guards. “I saw you take two Jawbreakers and you didn’t pay for them.” Jack merely shook his head vigorously back and forward but the guard wasn’t buying it “Give them to me, now” Jack once again shook his head but the guard just folded his arms “If you don’t give them to me now, it’ll be a police matter, don’t make this any harder on yourself” He said holding out his hands for Jack to put the stolen candy in. Jack looked up at the guard for a moment and rolled his arms before opening his mouth and two large Jawbreakers rolled out of it and landed with a splash in the guard's hands. “So, are we good? Or...?


No. In fact, they weren’t good.


“HELP HELP! HE’S TRYING TO TOUCH ME!” Jack screamed just a few moments later as the guard wrenched his arm behind his back having confiscated his candy and taking great pleasure to drag him out of the store with Jack screaming and yelling the entire way.


“HE’S FEELING ME UP! I CAN FEEL HIS HAND BRUSH AGAINST MY BUTT CHEEK. THIS IS AN ABUSE OF POWER! I DEMAND AN ATTORNEY! THIS IS RACIST! I’M GOING TO GET MY AUTTORNY AND WE 'RE GOING TO SUE THE DICK OFF OF YOU”

The guard just totally ignored him as he pushed him out of the door leaving Jack to rub his dead arm trying to get some feeling in it all the while cursing at the store “Hey. I stole some brownies too! They're in my butt, why don’t you come and get them?”

[Alex Harper]

On days off, when she wasn't getting into trouble with her best friend, she often visited her twin at the small comic book store that was settled into one of the little nooks in the mall. It held pretty decent business, she was likely their most loyal customer. More often than not that was the only reason she went and saw her brother when he was working. It gave her a reason to spend all of her money on comic books that she didn't already have. As well as the small figurines and posters and life-size cardboard cut-outs. Her room was littered in superhero merchandise both DC and Marvel alike.

Alex was walking out of the store, sticking her tongue out at her brother as she did, before she was stopped in her tracks by the sight ahead of her. A grown ass man, flailing about like some lunatic because the guard was holding his bony little stick of an arm too hard. She hadn't seen what the debacle had been that started it, but he was raving about being touched inappropriately and how he was going to 'sue the dick off' of the guard. Alex was on a first-name basis with the guards in the mall. Not because she stole or anything, but she had other ways of messing around and creating disturbances that often caused her to get a stern talking to. The only reason she was even allowed back in was because Ash often talked them down. She always had to lie to them, say she had some kind of problem that caused her to make poor decisions and act like Ash was her handler.

While she didn't know the guy losing his shit, nor was she one to just up and make friends, she did love to fuck with the guards. Alex shoved her hands in her pockets and meandered towards the scene, "Oi! Chucky boy! Where ya been? I missed you last week when I was caught cutting the crotches out of the Victoria's Secret panties. You'd have been pleased with my work, maybe even appreciative. I know that girlfriend of yours would have looked real nice in them. Woulda made it easier for you to actually fuck her too!" She tilted her head to the side with a coy smile.

"Is this Man-child really stealing my spotlight? I mean you guys didn't even say hi to me when I walked in, dammit!" Lex gave a glance to the lunatic that was still being held by the guard. "Tell ya what, give the chap a warning. Who knows, maybe he suffers from the same disorder I do and he just doesn't have a family member to look out for him, yeah?" The guard looked at her and back at the guy silently before releasing him.

He mumbled under his breath about not getting paid enough to be a mall cop and Alex snorted out a laugh, "See ya later Paul Blart!"

[Jack McCarthy]

Jack was literally hopping up and down with rage his face turning beet red and his hand moment getting more and more spastic and frantic even more than usual and when Jack was this angry his voice became near impossible to understand it went so fast and high pitched until it reached a state where only dogs could be capable of understanding a damn thing that he said


“DOYOKNOWWHOIAMICAN’TBELIEVETHISSHAMEONYOUSHAMEONYOURMOTHERSSHAMEONYOURPETSITHOUGHTTHISWASAMERCATHISISRACISTIHAVERIGHTSYOUFUCKSI’LLTAKETHISTOCOURTTOTHESUPRERMECOURTI’LLTAKEITTOTHEPRESIDENTTHEPRINCETHEQUEENTHEFIRSTLADYTHEKINGOFDENMARKIDEMANDJUSTICEIDEMANECANDYANDFUCKFUCKFUCK”


….And so on and forth, it was a miracle that Jack didn’t run out of breath and pass out he just kept going and going and going….


Jack was so blinded but the sheer indignity of it all what happened that he kept on yelling rapidly and incoherently so he kept on yelling right through the pretty lady putting the guard that through him out on blast


“...AND ANOTHER THING!” Jack said in between a deep breath before the wind has been taking out of his sails blinking around in confusion, now finally snapped back from his own little world and back into reality, frowning he turned to the lady


“....Where’d he go?”

[Alex Harper]

Alex watched him flail for a few moments longer before it seemed to dawn on him. As she watched him, she did wonder if her joke had been more serious than she thought. Maybe he actually had something wrong with him that caused him to lose his mind the way that he had. He looked batshit crazy, perhaps an escapee from the looney bin. But then, wouldn't he have been put in a straight jacket? Those things could not be easy to get out of, and he was wearing normal clothes. Unless he'd stolen them after somehow ninja-ing his way out of the jacket. There was something missing to her story about him, but he had sparked an idea for her next graphic novel.

"Uh, he walked away like five minutes ago, dude. I think he lost interest when he realized that you were actually crazy. Too much paperwork getting you back to your psycho cell for his liking. But he's lazy, so," Alex shrugged and shoved her hands into her pockets. As crazy as the guy had acted, and as creepy as it was the way he just abruptly stopped, she didn't feel all that intimidated by him. There was something almost puppy-like to him. And Alex, cynical as she was, loved puppies. Only truly heartless people didn't. She couldn't help but take pity on his situation.

Clearing her throat, she chewed on her lower lip for a moment. "So uh, why exactly did ol Charlie come at ya? I mean, it doesn't look like you're carrying a weapon, I only heard you freaking out after he already had you. Were you cutting out the crotch of the VS panties too? Because I mean, I wouldn't blame you, but I already kinda did that so they know what to look for in those situations."

[Jack McCarthy]

Funny enough Jack had never found himself on the other side of an insane asylum, quite honestly, if by some unfortunate stroke of luck he DID find himself in a loony bin odds are he wouldn’t last a day, he was a fragile soul after all and more then that NOT insane, but that seemed to be the impression a lot of the student body seemed to have of young Master McCarthy. Believe it or not, Jack was as sane as anyone else in the school. But he was a tad more…..eccentric than most. He danced to a different tune that sounded off constantly in his brain that was just differently wired than anyone else.

He was very very excitable after all if that wasn’t clear with the way he was ranting and raving fully entranced on planet Jack before the woman dragged him back to the blue planet with a light thud with the sound of her voice “Oh….” Jack muttered the words still slightly looking around him the wind put out of his sails just a little bit. Pausing for a quick moment before calling out behind Alex “YEAH THAT’S RIGHT YOU BETTER RUN. YOU DON’T WANT ANY OF THIS! YOU DON’T WANT ALL OF THIS!” Jack screamed out waving his fists out in front of him as if they were lethal weapons ready to be unlocked before turning back to Alex “You see that?! You see how he ran?! That happens all the time! I’m just too masculine I guess...Just too gangster….

At the question, Jack somewhat chilled looking somewhat sheepish shifting his weight back and forward as he chewed over the question “Naa I left my bat at home and they won’t let me in Victoria's Secret any more….TOTALLY WASN’T MY FAULT BY THE WAY! But anyway I was an innocent! I was a poor hungry innocent who was…..HUNGRY. I’m all spin and bone but they tossed me out just because I couldn’t pay for candy. It’s a travesty I tell ya! A TRAVESTY