Disclaimer: I've got Ulterior Motives

[Charlie Wickham]

Charlie strutted up to the office door, raised both his fists, and knocked in rapid succession, tapping out a quick drum beat to announce his arrival. He waited for an invitation before opening the door and closing it quickly behind him. A long sigh escaped him as he slipped his backpack from his shoulders and plopped into the chair beside Devinder's desk. 

"Man," Charlie slumped further and further into the chair, his arms drooping over the sides while his hand remained wrapped around one strap of his bag. "This week is crazy. I have to write a paper and study for an exam? Talk about lame." 

Charlie had sought out Devinder seven weeks prior to this meeting. He had been at the academy for five months and had been picking up information here and there, like which teacher taught which subject. Devinder, for example, was the foreign studies teacher. Foreign studies was not something Charlie would have originally taken, but rumours were heard and the boy had discovered Devinder was genderqueer. What did that mean for Charlie? Well, it gave him someone of authority to potentially confide in. It was a scary thought, but he want to tell someone. There wasn't anyone except for administration who knew Charlie was transgender.

"Do you want a snack? I brought granola bars. Chocolate dipped."

Tag: Devinder Singh

[Devinder Singh]

Devinder raised an eyebrow at Charlie's complaint about the exam and essay, fully aware that the student was referring to his class. "Sounds rough, kiddo," he said, leaning back in his chair. He couldn't help but smile. He had a soft spot for Charlie.

He accepted one of the offered granola bars. He had to eat more often during the day than an average person, because of his sped-up metabolism. If he didn't eat enough, he would rapidly lose weight. This had forced Devinder's personality somewhat. He had become "that guy" and always accept offers of food. On the plus side, he rarely worried about over eating. He knew any excess calories would burn off on their own if he stopped eating for a period of time.

"So, what's up?" Devinder asked, unwrapping the granola bar and taking a bite.

[Charlie Wickham]

"Rough." Charlie agreed with the word as he tore an opening in the wrapper with his teeth, watching as Devinder opened his own. What's up? A lot, that was for sure. The poor boy felt like he didn't have the time to worry about his homework when he tried to shove in at least two hours of guitar practice a day. Shit, his roommates probably hated him for it. Except for Tami... Charlie was one lucky duck to have the most patient girl in the world as his roomamte.

"Well," He decided to take a second big bite of the bar in order to collect his thoughts. Chew, chew, chew, swallow. "I just thought I'd come bug you with some questions and stuff. Like, why did you pick this academy over the others? Or did you really have a choice? My dad didn't want to leave the states so... here I am."

He offered his teacher a shrug, starting things off without a bang. Nerves prevented him from being blunt and to the point.

[Devinder Singh]

Devinder raised one eyebrow at Charlie. He took a bite of the bar and ended up wolfing it down pretty quickly. Charlie was always reliable to hit up for snacks. Devinder tried to be good about keeping up his food intake, but sometimes it slipped his mind.

Charlie was an interesting kid. He was musically inclined, and Devinder knew that some times his music got in the way of his academics. But, he could hardly begrudge the kid that. He didn't like trying to limit a student's interest, but Charlie could probably benefit from some time management workshops.

"There aren't that many academies worldwide," Devinder told Charlie. "I went to St. Bethany's in England. I applied to teach here after living in America for awhile, and got accepted. So I settled here." He leaned back in his chair. "Your dad didn't wan to leave the States, and my dad was really excited for me to get an education abroad. So, here I am."

[Charlie Wickham]

"Oh. Well that's cool. I didn't know you were chillin' in England for a bit. That sounds like fun." Charlie took another bite, watching Devinder a little absentmindedly before looking away.

He was trying to collect his thoughts while simultaneously thinking of another question to ask. But it took him far longer than he would have liked to do so. There was silence settling in the air, only filled with Charlie chewing the last of his bar until it was finished. He balled the wrapper up in his hand, listening to it crinkle, before shooting it into the garbage near the door. "Nailed it."

Was it inappropriate to approach a teacher about a rumor about said teacher? What if Devinder was uncomfortable with Charlie questioning him? Charlie didn't want to put his teacher in a bad position... but the kid's curiosity and need to know felt like it was outweighing him. And it would feel so good to have an ally on his side, especially one that would understand. The worst case scenerio would be Devinder saying the rumours aren't true. Charlie could handle that. He wouldn't even have to proceed with the conversation if that was the case. He could just remove himself from the office.

"I don't know how to say this... but I heard some rumors that you're not, uh, you know, like, a man. That was a bad way to say it. I mean that I heard a few kids say you're, like, not a part of the.." He drifted away, chastising himself for the sudden lump in his throat. He hoped his awkwardness wouldn't prevent Devinder from understanding him. "Damn, man, I mean to say that these kids were saying that you're genderqueer. Is it true?"

[Devinder Singh]

Devinder gathered his thoughts quietly, not exactly sure how to respond. He had been approached by another student recently in regards to gender identity. He wasn't very forthcoming when it came to how he identified, but he wasn't upset that Charlie had heard that rumour. It just wasn't something he felt was necessary to discuss. He tried to run as open a classroom as he could, starting the first day of each semester by introducing himself with his name and preferred pronounces (he/him/his) to normalize it for his students who might have never had to think about preferred pronouns before. He wanted to foster a welcoming atmosphere.

Still, Charlie's fumbling prod into his private life was pretty funny. It was cute, in a childish way. Devinder shrugged his shoulders and gave Charlie a reassuring smile. "Well, I don't know if I'd label myself as genderqueer, but I guess that's as good a word as any."

Sometimes English labels confused Devinder. There were so many and there were no translations for Punjabi. But, lucky for him, there was such thing as Google. Actually, he was quite envious of his students for growing up in an era where they could access information so easily. He wondered if he would have been spared a lot of heartache and questions if he had something like Google when he was growing up. He probably wouldn't have felt so broken as a teenager when he started questioning his gender.

Charlie was obviously trying to get to the core of some issue. Devinder flicked Charlie between the eyes affectionately. "What's on your mind, kiddo?"

[Charlie Wickham]

Charlie nodded his head and played with his hands, looking at Devinder for a moment before glancing away. His teacher had, more or less, confirmed that the rumours were true. Despite having a teacher who was not American or white, Charlie was quite naive about other cultures and languages. Thank god for being smart enough to take foreign studies, eh? That would, hopefully, allow him to broaden his horizon and get some understanding under his belt. It never even occurred to the boy that a term such as 'genderqueer' wouldn't be translatable.

He had been quiet after his answer was given... but then Devinder asked the question. His hands became clamy and his heart rate picked up. The nerves rushing through him forced a lump in his throat. Charlie tried to swallow it down but couldn't. This was it.

Clenching his hands together tight he let out a big breath of air. "Alright. Okay. I'm trans." No stuttering. That was impressive. Charlie sounded sure of himself. This almost felt like a bandaid. It was quick and relatively painless. A weight lifted off his shoulders as a result.

[Devinder Singh]

Devinder pursed his lips slightly and raised his eyebrows. "Okay." He responded. It was simple. He was glad that Charlie trusted him enough to come out. He would accept Charlie no matter what. Not that he could reject him anyway, being gender non-conforming himself.

Devinder was fond of all his students, but Charlie dominated a special place in his heart. The kid marched to his own beat, that was for sure. Devinder liked and appreciated that. Plus, Charlie always had snacks.

"Are you having any trouble with anyone because of it?" Devinder asked, the thought jumping suddenly to his mind and distressing him.

[Charlie Wickham]

Charlie looked at his teacher with a small smile. Devinder didn't care what Charlie was. It felt great. But the kid wasn't naive, he knew not everyone would react positively. That's the part that frightened him.

"No, no one is bothering me. You're actually the only one who knows now. I haven't even told my friends. I hate to say it, but I pass really well. I just play off my boyish look as late puberty. That's common in cis guys. I just joke that my beard hasn't grown yet and my voice is waiting for my balls to drop. People haven't questions it to my face... So even if they expect anything they haven't told me. My voice is also pretty okay, not that high but not as low as I'd like. I don't know. I just don't want to... Risk anything. I want to be liked by everyone, you know?"

[Devinder Singh]

Devinder shifted in his chair, and gave Charlie a sympathetic look. He was glad that Charlie wasn't experiencing any difficulty from anyone.

"You know that you don't have to tell anyone, right? It isn't anyone's business but your own." Devinder wasn't out. As far as anyone knew, he was male. Any questioning and struggling he had done had been in his youth, probably close to the same age as Charlie was now. So, he sympathized with how Charlie was currently struggling. "I'm not saying don't be proud of who you are. There is nothing wrong with being transgender, but if you don't want to tell anyone, then you don't have to."

Devinder wasn't exactly sure what it was like for LGBTQ-identified people in Montana. He had never connected with any queer community since he had immigrated to the United States. In fact, even as a kid in India, or at school in England, he never connected to queer communities. He wasn't sure what he could do to support Charlie, but he was willing to do anything Charlie needed.

[Charlie Wickham]

Charlie seemed to consider what Devinder said. The concentrated look on his face would relfect the gears turning in his fast-running brain of his. It hadn't crossed his mind before that he wouldn't have to disclose the fact that he was trans. Well, the question "who needs to know?" would pop into his head every now and then, but he was never given permission to keep that bit to himself.

And Devinder was right. Why would he have to disclose any information about himself? Why was him being trans relevant? Nobody had to tell him that they were straight or cisgender. But when it came to the dating scene... wasn't that a more complicated situation? Well, Charlie supposed this was something he would have to figure out in his own time.

"Yeah, you're right. I guess I'm just scared because I don't want people to think I was lying if I never told them. But how could I be?" Charlie fiddled with the material of his backpack as he spoke, still thinking and nodding to himself. "Thanks. I hope you don't mind I... came to you for advise and stuff."

[Devinder Singh]

"It's not lying if it's about your safety," Devinder told Charlie sternly. "It's just common sense at that point." But, he could sympathize with how Charlie was feeling. Hiding such a large part of yourself could be very stressful. Especially at that age. Devinder's own teenage years had been quite tumultuous due to struggling with his gender identity, so it was no surprise that Charlie was feeling some anguish as well.

"Never feel bad about asking for advice," Devinder told him. "I'm always available to talk." He thought for a brief moment, struck by a sudden idea. "You know, I'm not sure if you've taken any classes with Mr. Buendia, but he's always around if you need help, too." Devinder was fairly certain that Arcadio Buendia, the Spanish teacher, was also queer somehow. But, he didn't want to make assumptions, or out the other man without permission. But, from the few interactions Devinder had had with Arcadio, he knew that Arcadio had the students' wellbeing at heart. "I'm not trying to pass you off onto him," Devinder assured Charlie, "But it's always good to have the largest support system you can get."

[Charlie Wickham]

Charlie tilted his head, considering what Devinder said. He never really thought of it like that, but he definitely felt it. The feeling he got for hearing words to match his feelings was always a great feeling. He supposed he never told anyone in order to feel safe. Though his secret sometimes felt like a lot to keep to himself too. What relief would he feel if he just got it out?

At the mention of Arcadio Buendia, Charlie looked slightly surprised. He hadn't considered talking to Mr. Buendia. He was just his Spanish teacher, nothing special. But his teacher was a cool guy, Charlie just felt awkward telling guys who were older, cis, and probably straight. "Er, yeah, that's fair. I guess I just didn't read him as someone I would tell. But I trust you, Mr. Singh. I need to trust others too."