You can see right through me.

[Lister D. Reynolds]

LDR was lain across his bed in a catatonic daze. He wasn't what he had done wrong that day but he was sure somehow he had fucked up. Maybe...Did I say anything today? The day had gone okay. Hadn't it? No big fuck-ups. Nothing had gone wrong so why did he feel so shit? 

He had music playing, mainly so his roommates didn't think he was sitting in silence and also because the silence was deafening. Try as he might to focus on the music all that filled his ears was static. What had he done? Wasn't the day perfect? He was silent. Nothing spoken. Nothing done. What the fuck was wrong with him? A good day made him feel shit. Could he have no respite from his own mind? 

Head buried into a pillow, a pointless attempt at pushing the world out of his mind. I kept it together today. everything was perfect. Nothing spoken. Nothing done. Pillow wet from tears that burned as they rolled from his eyes.

[Lara Jean Reynolds]

When the final bell of the day rang, Lara Jean had straight made her way to the library. She knew she was not paying attention to a single word the teacher had spoken so she had to make up for it. Hopefully there would not be a pop quiz on it tomorrow morning, but nevertheless she better be prepared for it. Better safe than sorry. So she borrowed a book on the subject.

On the way back to her dorm, Lara Jean detoured and stopped by her brother's. After a very quick exchange with his dorm mate, she headed for his door. Funnily, it was locked. Go figure. She heard the music playing from inside and she had to role her eyes. It was definitely something she knew her brother would not be listening to.

Without needing another clue to know what was up, she knocked. "Pizza delivery for LDR!"

[Lister D. Reynolds]

NO.NO.NO. LDR tried his best to hide his face into his pillow, another futile attempt at blocking out this world. The last person he wanted to see him like this was Lara. Hadn't he been better past couple of weeks? Or at least hadn't he had acted like it had been a better couple of weeks. He sat up, rubbing the tears from his eyes.

Stop crying. Stop crying. I should just tell her. I should just tell that nothing was wrong but I feel like shit. That no matter how hard I try I just can't keep calm. A moment passed before he moved to open the door. Moving back to his bed quickly. A mumbled "He-Hey La-Lara...

[Lara Jean Reynolds]

She kept knocking and calling for him. He could not keep her out, even if he tried. The last thing she wanted was for him to be alone listening to weird music. Thank goodness it did not take him long. Once the door opened a little, she pushed her way. "Hey..." she mumbled back.

Moving towards him, she embraced him with a hug. Lara Jean felt a little down seeing her brother like this. "I don't actually have pizza," she said lightly, hoping it would put a smile on his face. She patted his back, still not letting go of the hug. "Wanna tell me why locked yourself up and listening to...what the...I don't even know what this song is."

[Lister D. Reynolds]

LDR tensed slightly as Lara hugged him. Even as comfortable as he was with her, people touching him still freaked him out. As hugs went his sister always gripped him tightly, like she was trying to crush the air from his lungs. A small smile creeped through the tears which were still flowing "I-I-I-I-I-I gu-guessed you wo-wou-wouldn't ha-have pi-pizza..." He tried to relinquish himself from her grip but to no avail.

A shrug "I-I-I-I-I-I-I do-do-don't know...No-Nothing we-we-..." Tears fought back. What the hell was wrong with him? He turned to look towards his speakers "I-I-I do-do-don't kn-know what i-i-it is...pr-pr-probably so-some e-e-e-e-emo band..." If he wasn't feeling so shitty his stutter probably would have been better

[Lara Jean Reynolds]

After another pat on the back, she released him from the hug and held her brother by the shoulders instead. She stared at him and remembered how he looked in her recent photographs of him. It still felt surreal he had grown so much since she last saw him before manifesting.

"Emo, huh?" she said, "I don't know...I never pictured you to be into those." She let out a halfhearted laugh before leaning back against the bed headboard. That was when her hand brushed against a wet pillow. With a sigh, she picked it up. He had been crying.

Holding the pillow up, she said, "Bad dreams?" Though they both knew she knew that definitely wasn't it.

[Lister D. Reynolds]

Another shrug "I-It's a ra-random pl-pl-playlist..." Perched on the edge of his bed. Another shrug. Oh, if it were only bad dreams. He didn't want to talk about. Words failed him, or rather he failed words. Even if he could explain what was wrong, did he want to? As close as he was to his sister there were things he couldn't didn't want to say. Sometimes words were best left unspoken.

But she'd get them out of him anyway. There was limit to how long he could hold up under her gaze. A final shrug before he flopped backwards to lie on his bed "Y-Y-You could say th-that..."

[Lara Jean Reynolds]

Lara Jean leaned back against the headboard and stared at her brother carefully. She felt a little down that LDR did not want to open up about it as easily as she had hoped. But this was her brother and she knew pressing him for details was not the smartest move.

"Oh yeah? What was it this time? I wish I dreamt easily," she said quickly changing the subject. Perhaps talking about her now would ease her brother a bit more. Her head tilted to look at him. "I slept at 4 last night," she said, gesturing to her eyes indicating that was the reason as always, "I think I might have dozed off during history today. Don't you dare tell anyone that," she said jokingly with a laugh.

[Lister D. Reynolds]

Eyelids shut "Noth-Noth-Nothing..." How could he tell her? What could she do to help? Give him a hug and say it'll all be alright? LDR gripped the bridge of his nose, staring upwards at the ceiling. A shrug "Falling asleep in hi-history is ea-easy..." It was something he himself had done many a time. Not that the teacher cared as long as he maintained his grades. A frown "You-You kn-know I only ta-talk to yo-you, ri-right?"

He sits up, bringing up his knees and hugging them. Gaze set forward towards his door. Not looking at Lara "Lo-Lo-Long da-day?"

[Lara Jean Reynolds]

Lara Jean scoffed at her brother's reply. Falling asleep during history was easy. She had probably one of the most boring teacher and every class just felt like a drag some most of the times.

After a hard look at LDR, she agreed, "Right." It was hard to take it as a joke because there was so much truth to it. "You can say that," she replied to his next question. "Since I slept in class earlier, I gotta put in some time to study the lesson later." She tapped the book she had borrowed. "What uh did you have plan for today?" she asked as she slowly took her phone out.

While her brother was still staring at his door, she snapped a picture of him. Too bad her action did not go unnoticed because the flash went off. Ooops.

[Lister D. Reynolds]

There was an awkward pause after his joke. Shouldn't have said that. STUPID. STUPID. STUPID She already knew he had little to no friends, his joke only emphasized that point. At her question he only offered a shrug for an answer. He didn't want to talk about his day. Not because anything bad happened but because it still had made him feel shit.

Face suddenly illuminated by light, LDR glanced at his sister. He kept his gaze for a few moments before looking back at the door "I-I-I-I d-don't kn..." Head shook. No more words. Nope. Not gonna talk. He fell backwards to lie down.

[Lara Jean Reynolds]

The photo with the flash did not turn out so good. It was bright and there was like a blotch of white where LDR's face was supposed to be. She deleted it. Thankfully, her brother looked in her direction for the next shot where she remembered to turn the flash off. Now that one was better. Lara Jean smiled looking at her shot. His hair looked longer, she noted, but maybe that was just the angle she took it at.

Lara Jean pocketed her phone. Now that was a shorter response than she expected. She sighed. Oh LDR, what's bothering you? Her thoughts left unspoken. Instead, she scooted closer to his end and tapped him on the shoulder. "How about we go get some pizza? And then play a little at the arcade?"

[Lister D. Reynolds]

Eyes clamped shut. Avoiding reality. Floating without gravity.

A heavy sigh, a glance to his sister. He wanted to scream. To tell he was fine. That there was no need to...no need to worry. But he couldn't wouldn't. He would just smile and nod. At her question he gave a shrug "If you wa-wa-want...you d-don't have to you, y-you kn-know that ri-right? I-I'm fi-fine by myself. Re-Really" He caught her eyes for a moment. And that's all it took.

But words failed him. They didn't flood from his mouth. They sat stagnated. So he closed his eyes. Trying to forget what he had seen in those eyes.

[Lara Jean Reynolds]

Lara Jean gave her brother an all knowing look. He was quiet and it pained her. They both knew the seventeen year old rarely went out if she did not need to. It still freaked her out from time to time to be surrounded by people, or more like bones. Yet when it came to her little brother Lister, she was willing to do it.


"Oh come on. Are you sure?" she asked as sweetly as she could. "It'll be my treat. No problem," she assured him. Lara Jean still prepared herself if her brother were to say no. If LDR put his mind into it, she doubted she could do much to change it.

[Lister D. Reynolds]

He kept his eyes clamped shut, another desperate attempt to push away the outside world. But try as he might his sister continued to try and coerce him to leave the solitude of his room. Sitting up, he stare down at the ground. Tell her. Just fucking tell her you wimp. He shook his head, not looking at his sister "Re-Re-Really I'm fi-fine. I j-j-just want to st-stay in my room." To be honest he wanted to be in his room at home.

But then he'd have to deal with his father. He'd probably find a way to make LDR feel even worse. He shook his head again, as if it would dispel those thoughts from his mind. Deep breath. Turning, he looked at Lara "I swe-swear I'm fi-fine, I ju-just ne-need some ti-time by myse-self."