The Journal of an Otaku Girl

[Tallulah Wright]

Princess Princess D is probably the weirdest drama I’ve watched so far. It’s so obvious they had very little budget for that one. Still, if you strip it down to its story, it’s kind of nice. Odd, but nice. It wouldn’t work here. I mean, no one would make a drama about an all-boy school that dresses three of its first years into girls (princesses) to ‘release the pressure’. It’s kind of scary too, said like that. Release the pressure. Like they would rape them or something. But it’s fun. Or it would be fun if it wasn’t so scary. I mean, the dresses!

You must be really desperate if you go crazy for this.

I can’t believe these actors managed to have a career after that. Everyone probably chose to erase it from memory. There was something funny and sweet about it though. Like, once you get over the hideous dresses and the weird segments appearing now and then, it’s a cool story. And it’s apparently from a manga and anime, so I’m not surprised about it being weird. Still, I don't think it would work in here. And I’m glad no one caught me watching this.

On another note, we have a new trainer around here. Japanese. That’s so cool. I had no idea there was a school like this one in Japan. Well, yeah, it makes sense there is one, I just didn’t know we were associated with it or something. But I swear this guy looks like the one playing the president of the student council. I’m really watching too many of those dramas, I’m not just making comparison with life here, I’m even finding physical resemblances now!

But you have to admit they look alike.

[Tallulah Wright]

Yamato Nadeshiko Shichi Henge is so nice but damn I can’t pronounce that thing! Good thing they also call it Perfect Girl Evolution. The theme song is so addictive. I like it, and its message. Love Yourself, kind of a nice message to send indeed. And how they keep saying ‘the you that you hate is the you that I love’. They say something similar a lot in the drama too. It’s kind of what I like the most: how none of them really had to change who they were inside to find happiness. All four boys are happy in the end. Yuki managed to talk to his girlfriend and find out she didn’t cheat on him, Ranmaru saw that his fiancée isn’t as cold as he thought and wants to make effort for their relationship to work, Takenaga finally admitted having feelings for Noi instead of following what his father had in mind for him, and Kyohei told Sunako it’s okay if she’s into gore movies and hideous sweatpants, she doesn’t need to be a lady, she’s fine as she is. The way he tricked her with the skull to steal a kiss was cute and funny.

It makes me wish I had something like that. But it happens only in movies and tv shows. Am I a hypocrite to tell others it’s possible when I don’t believe it myself? But my problem is more than a love for darkness and being socially awkward. I can take that strangers mock me about my leg. It hurts, but I don’t know them, I can ignore them. If someone I liked said that though... I mean, I can hide it well under pants but one day, they’d have to know, right? It’s not something you should hide. I don’t want to be told they thought it was fine but they find it too awkward. At the same time, I can’t blame them. It is weird. Even I find it weird. I sit down and I see this stub right there below the knee. I must put a cream on it. I need a chair in the shower. Every night, I must take my prosthetic off before going to bed. I used to sleep on my side. I remember it, when I was a kid, how I lied on one corner of my pillow and held the other one. I can’t do that anymore, because I feel this... nothing where there’s supposed to be something. Sometimes, my foot itches, and it’s so frustrating because there is no foot anymore.

I always say I don’t mind. I show strength and determination. I cover it up when I can but when people notice it, I act like it’s nothing. But it’s not nothing. And I mind. I just don’t want people to pity me for it. I don’t want to be that girl who makes everyone feel sorry for her and do things for her. People always end up despising those who act like that. But, sometimes, I wish I didn’t want to pretend I am this strong.

Is it really wrong to want that?

[Tallulah Wright]

I officially have a Kame fetish. Or at least an addiction. But he’s so good! He’s always been awesome in comedy but thanks to Yokai Ningen Bem, I found out he’s also incredible with drama. He’s not overplaying him but he’s also not doing too little, and with a character like this one, it could have been so easy to do so. It’s also funny that, for once, he’s not playing a glutton. But the character I loved the most was Bela. Usually, when I watch American shows, I want to see a strong leading lady but she always end up getting on my nerves. Not Bela. Even when she’s rough on little Belo, I can relate. She toughened up. She’s like Bem, only more careful. They’ve all been hurt and she wants to trust humans like he does, but she’s scared after all the stones that have been thrown at them. And she wants to protect Belo. She doesn’t want him to lose his youthful innocence but she doesn’t want him hurt because he trusted humans too easily. I liked that. Somehow, I could almost say that I’m Bela. Maybe that’s why I liked her so much, she’s more than the tough girl I want to be, she is me. And things don’t get all rainbows and sunshine for her in the end, but she’s not entirely destroyed either. It’s a proper balance, something more realistic. I could almost believe something like that could happen to me. Especially since she worked for it, she didn’t just sit there and waited for happiness to come knocking at her door.

Belo is just the cutest thing ever!!!

It’s so underrated though. All because their monster’s look is apparently horrible. I didn’t find it all that bad. At least it’s obvious they took actors in costumes and not just CGI’d the whole thing. They always think it’s the thing to do, but it’s sometimes so obvious, it ruins everything to my taste. I prefer having as little as possible, not get the whole set being computer-made. Okay, the transformation is a bit tacky, with Bem growing boar-like tusks or something. And, seriously, if they’re ripping their clothes every time, I don’t get how they can still get any left, that must cost a fortune in fabric!

Does this really look that bad?

Somehow, I thought of someone I met while I watched this. Sam. Well, Samson. But I’ll go with Sam. He said I should call him that after all. At the same time, I don’t get why I did. He wants to save people like they do, but he doesn’t have the vulnerability Bem shows. In a way, he’s more like that other Yokai, the bag guy. Except that he isn’t bad. But he is as fixated. I’m sure if I showed him that show, he’d find that Bem is being weak to try and reason why the episode’s bad guy. He does sound pretty black and white. Still, there was something with Sam. He made me realise I don’t do much, at least not as much as I could. I remember we sometimes went to the food bank and how I wanted to be as kind as the people working there. Or how the people used to encourage me at the nursing home where my mother worked. I forgot when I came here, used my leg as an excuse. I’ve got a prosthetic one now, going out is a lot easier. I should try and find some volunteer center, see if there’s something I could do. It would also help pass the time. I could head back home, but that would mean costs to get there and then back here. I don’t want my mother to pay too much. That reminds me I have to make sure to get her something good too for the holidays.

[Tallulah Wright]

I never thought it was possible but I think I found another Otaku girl at the school. Okay, she’s not into dramas, more the animes, but we still had a conversation about that. And she didn’t act as though I was weird for liking those J-dramas so much. She even seemed impressed I loved Chinese and Korean ones too. I wonder if things would have taken that turn had we not both loved Death note though.

Here’s really the best out of these movies

We ended up having a conversation about the changes they make in movies and shows. She didn’t hold it against the movie, or me, that L wins. From what I’ve read, most people seemed happy of it too. There are worse changes done around, for far worse reasons. It’s still a little weird to talk about my passion like this. I haven’t really gotten a chance to before. I have enough against myself to be pushed away without adding some weird hobby to it. But it was also nice to talk of it. I don’t know, I’m a little mixed up about this. A part of me just wishes to keep it to myself but another likes the chance to talk about animes and dramas with someone who knows about them too. There are just so many live actions inspired by animes or mangas that it is easy for us to find some in common, I’m sure. I wish I could talk to her again, even if I’m certain I’ll be a little awkward at first. I don’t want to just start talking about dramas only with her. It’s nice to open up though. I don’t have many friends. It’s not a complain, just a fact. I’m content with only a handful of good friends. But it would be nice to add one more. If that can happen. Maybe I should have her see the movies and I could watch the anime, see the differences? I’ll have to think about it.

One question remains though: how much would she like L: Change the World?